New Beginnings
Where I am and where I was
If anyone had asked me a year ago if I would like to blog or have a website for my artwork, I would have laughed. I wonder if I even understood what a blog was? Back then I didn't value my artwork and I didn't expect anyone elso to.
It has been a long journey, from beginning when I had no dreams of becoming anyone, to wishing for something, anything for that matter that I could call my own, and finally,to the realization that I could direct my own life. I have lived most of these decades with as much direction and where with all, as a feather floating on a stream. I used to just settle for all those things that this feather would uncontrollably bump into. I would then declare it my own and before I knew I had explored all kinds of jobs from retail to office cubby worker, from social worker to mother. Some I did better than others. I certainly worked harder at motherhood than any of the others. I did alot for others as I worked as being mother. It was and still is, an endless job, with little vacation time, too many unsolicitated job reviews, crazy hours and yes, lots of wonderful perks and dividends.
But I was, deep inside constantly yearning for something that defined me, not for what I do for someone else but just for me. It sounds selfish doesn't it. Well, it took me a long time to get past that and to face the fact that I was simply not being fulfilled by my day to day life.
Then about 7 years ago, I was sitting in on my son's yoga class at at Yoga 4 Kids(http://www.yoga4kids.us/), sketching the kids twist their bodies in all sorts of positions when the director approached me with a request to help her create her yoga game. So I set to work with watercolors and a few years later a game was born. The cards, and game board were my watercolor digitalized images.(http://www.amazon.com/Yoga-4-Kids-Game/dp/B003OE3M7C/ref=sr_1_4?ie=UTF8&s=sporting-goods&qid=1279511176&sr=8-4) I was thrilled.
This began my return to fine art. Once the game was finished I began painting for me. I painted on good and bad days. Each painting was a projection of my emotional place in life. I often heard people say nice things about my work but I just made jokes about the work because I could not believe in myself as an artist. I gave myself no credibility for my talent. One day, in my own yoga class the director introduced me to some students as "the artist" who made her game. I can remember so clearly the feeling of utter astonishment at being referred to as "the artist." It took me years, to finally be able to define myself and refer to myself as an artist. Once I did, I never looked back. Not too long ago, I showed a painting to a a woman. Within a few seconds, I saw tears fall from her eyes! At that moment, I knew I had something to share.
I have gotten past the moments of self doubt, the procrastination, the worry that it will never sell and just decided to take the plunge and create. My first goal is to fill 14 frames with original paintings. I have several of them posted here although they have not yet been framed. I am blogging that process at (http://creating14pastelpaintings.blogspot.com) I am no longer the feather floating on the stream. I have goals and a dream and the success of the dream will be so much more than just being in the artist marketplace. This is my new beginning. Join me.
Posted in Embracing Myself. Updated July 21st, 2010.
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