Loving Life or Zen of Living with Art and Horses.
Loving Life or Zen of Living with Art and Horses.
Epiphanies are nothing short of God tapping on my shoulder pleading with me to pay attention to this moment. If I am willing to lend myself to such a thought, I find answers to questions that I have keep hidden inside me. In that moment or revelation, when the thought and truth meet, there is a flash of conscious light that breaks through the denial of decades, breaks through the old belief systems and hits me smack in the face and screams, “Laurel wake up your life is passing you by and you are not even in it to live it!” One might think that there might be fear in such a moment but there cannot, because fear is only cultivated in the falseness in life, truth fears nothing. Truth is sheer encouragement. It is the proof that I am part of this whole, an important part and that while here in this life I have something important to contribute and equally important l to receive
Living fearlessly, is what an artist does. When I step up to the easel to create and pull out that first pastel stick, it is like walking off a cliff! The pastel in my hand hits the paper with deliberateness and a purpose. Nothing is at question. It is the risk to ultimately expose myself to the emotions of the moment. That is that clichéd term of” Living in the Moment” I cannot say what will be revealed in the painting. I cannot tell you precisely how it will turn out. It is faith in the hand that holds the pastel that propels me forward into the art work. There is freedom in that moment with nothing to fear. Neither my inner critic nor the certified artistic judge can tamper with this freedom because it is mine, my truth alone and that is all that matters.
If any of my readers are horse enthusiasts, you are well aware of the freedom of the smooth stride, or a centered seat or the connection a rider feels when everything is in some magical synchronicity with the horse underneath the saddle. It is a beauty and honesty shared only by the two of you. In that moment, I do not ask the horse to do, nor does he wonder what should he do, it is all one language fluid, communicated and understood. There are no questions, just freedom and truth. No one observing the horse and rider can fully understand the complexity of the simplicity.
When the fear is gone, the world opens up and so does my soul. The true self is at the threshold of any dream or goal I decide to put my efforts toward. It is the realization that this is MY life. I am its director. I can achieve that which I deem as greatness. Your concept of greatness, and fulfillment might be very different from mine, but it does not mean one is less great than the other. The greatness is in the potential of the dream and in the process that brings it to realization. It is the visualization of the painting long before the pastel hits the paper that allows the painting to begin its journey to revelation.
Truth comes when it is ready to.So, tonight as I graze my daughter’s horse, I heard my truth. I have dreamt of owning my own horse since I was 8 or 9 years old; I am now 53. It has always remained an unreachable goal because I believed it was one and that I was not worthy enough to achieve it. As I walked in the cool damp grass under an August night sky filled with a spritz of dazzling stars, I heard myself tell me my truth. By next summer Laurel, you will have your own horse. I have a goal! I can attain it because I deserve it. I am worthy of it. It is my truth. It is why I am here in this world to live the life I love and love the life I was born to live.
Posted in Embracing Myself. Updated August 5th, 2010.
Share on
StumbleUpon or Del.icio.us, or Digg this post.
